Got Imposter Syndrome?
By: Alexandra DeWoskin, LCSW
Do you ever find yourself cruising along in your life and career, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you begin questioning your legitimacy and expertise. You start to wonder, am I a fake or fraud? Who am I kidding and how have I been getting away with this for so long? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not deserving of my role or status. Sometimes these feelings are fleeting and other times, they are persistent. Regardless, if you find yourself here from time to time, this is called Imposter Syndrome and it’s quite common.
It is a psychological pattern in which someone fails to internalize their skills and accomplishments and instead feels like a fraud. The irony is people with imposter syndrome are quite often highly accomplished, impressive individuals. Yet, they may have a feeling of inadequacy, downplay their accomplishments and expertise, and attribute success to external factors like luck. Students might not believe they match up to their peers despite great grades and test scores.
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Professionals may not feel deserving of a promotion despite excellent performance reviews. Artists, musicians, or actors might not feel they are deserving of accolades or a fan base. And people might not feel deserving of friendships and acceptance.
Symptoms of Imposter Syndrome include excessive preparation or procrastination; perfectionism; discounting achievements; persistent self-doubt; fear of being exposed; and misattributing success. When someone has impostor syndrome, they experience repeated feelings or thoughts that they are incompetent or not good enough, despite evidence to the contrary.
They experience fear of being exposed as a fraud and compare themselves to others. They may doubt their skills, intellect, and achievements. These beliefs often have roots in someone’s psychological and personal history and tend to play out in work, academic, high-pressure settings, and personal relationships. Unaddressed, they can keep people from enjoying their lives or successes and living life to its fullest potential.
In addition to this leading to low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and self-deprecation, it can increase the risk of depression or anxiety symptoms. It can hamper our ability to tolerate when mistakes actually do happen because we may agonize over even the smallest mistakes. People may not be able to handle constructive criticism. Some people may even self-sabotage or strive for less than they deserve or desire. Often client’s I work with, who struggle with fear of commitment or success, also struggle with feelings of being undeserving or unworthy of either.
They may blow up their relationships before they get too serious. They may set themselves up to fail at work (self-fulfilling prophecy – that thing they fear most to happen, they cause to happen because that is the only outcome they believe to be possible).
All of this can push people to try too hard, over-compensate, or strive for unrealistic definitions of success or worthiness for fear of being discovered as a fraud. Perfectionism can take hold. People may even start to reject external praise, the praise they’ve become so reliant on, because they’re unable to self-praise. And often external praise alone is short-lived, a temporary fix to the feelings of inadequacy. Then, the cycle starts again. In addition, the person who gave the compliment may feel rejected or dismissed.
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So, rejecting a compliment can thwart an opportunity for connection, validation of the other’s opinion, and certainly that self-esteem boost. I worked with a client who was unable to accept any compliment, including a compliment on his outfit. I suggested that he work on changing his automatic pat response from “no, you mean this old thing” to “thank you”. At least he was able to validate the person who gave the compliment and buy himself some time to reflect vs immediately reject. A little fake it to make it.
So, how do we get here? It’s important to explore the reasons behind your beliefs. Because then you understand why it’s happening and design a solution. Certainly, cultural and environmental factors can affect our self-perception as well as stereotypes. Family dynamics and the roles people learn early in life are also a major influencer. We can find impostor syndrome in people who may have been raised with a sibling or another close relative who was deemed “the golden child.”
They may have found the need to prove that they were amazing, too. Yet, no matter how many good grades or how much praise they received from teachers, they never felt validated by their family, and never felt smart or good enough deep down. For those who were overly praised, they may have grown up to realize they were not good at everything (nobody is) and began to wonder if any of the messages they received from their families were true. Then there are others who just didn’t get met by their role models (caregivers, coaches, teachers) with praise or reflection of their greatness.
In therapy, patients can address their reliance on other’s opinions for their self-worth. They can learn to reframe the negative messages they have received throughout their lives about why they are not smart or capable enough. They can examine old unhelpful beliefs, re-evaluate them, and replace such thoughts with new, more accurate cognitions.
Recognizing what is actually true and factual, because we can’t always be reliable self-observers, is of utmost importance. It’s important to learn to separate feelings from facts. I often suggest my clients make a simple list of facts that describe their trajectory and successes. These facts should negate their negative narratives.
They can look at their list when they are feeling that Imposter Syndrome as a way to snap back into reality. I keep a list too. It includes facts such as; I got straight A’s in grad school; I’ve had long-term clients and referrals from clients; I receive referrals from other professionals; I have had a practice that has been consistent for many years; clients say thank you. These might seem simple, but I can’t argue them because they are facts.
Here are some tools to help combat Imposter Syndrome:
- Name it. First, we need to recognize and acknowledge it is happening. We need to put a name to it.
- Talk to Others. Since feeling alone and shame are key features of impostor syndrome, check in with people you trust and express your self-doubt. You’ll often find you’re not alone and that other people have impostor feelings too. Seeing how other’s beliefs about themselves are unfounded can help you identify your unfounded beliefs about yourself.
- Accept Positive Feedback. People with impostor syndrome tend to deny praise in any form. The next time someone compliments you, avoid denying or downplaying the comment. Instead, say, “thank you.” Consider any truth to the positive comment and internalize the feedback.
- Keep a Log. Keep a daily record of the compliments you receive and achievements you make. Make an historical list of accomplishments. Set aside a time each week to review and reflect on the positive evidence. Or use this list in a pinch when feeling negative thoughts.
- Embrace Positive Self-Talk. When you find yourself lapsing into old ways of thinking, try to instead think positively. One might call this reframing or telling yourself the opposite of the negative thoughts.
- Break Out of Your Comfort Zone. Don’t let impostor feelings and fear of failure keep you from achieving your goals. People with impostor syndrome can get stuck in positions they’re unhappy with when they’d rather try something new. Know that you can ask for that promotion or train for that marathon. If it doesn’t work out, it’s okay, on to the next.
- Embrace the Opportunities. If you do make a mistake, use the opportunity (yes, I said opportunity) to allow you to learn and grow from the experience.
- Visualize success vs imagining impending doom.
- Give yourself rewards for accomplishments big and small. This allows you to take a beat, validate yourself, and reflect. It can be a literal or figurative pat on the back, a piece of candy, a relaxation break, anything that acknowledges YOU.
- Fake it ‘til you make it. Don’t wait until you feel confident to start putting yourself out there. Courage comes from taking risks. Change your behavior first and allow your confidence to build.
- Limit Social Media. Consider how your use of social media impacts or exacerbates your feelings of fraud. There’s a lot of bad messaging from social media. Often, we find ourselves comparing ourselves. Is it time to limit or censor your use or be more mindful of what you’re looking at?
If you find that you are unable to get ahold of those persistent thoughts of self-doubt, you may want to speak to a therapist or coach to help you get to the root causes of those feelings and help you learn how to develop coping skills to overcome those feelings.
