Healing LGBTQ Inner Critic Voices
If you’ve ever felt like there’s a harsh voice inside your head constantly judging you—telling you you’re not good enough, too much, or somehow wrong—you’re not alone. For many LGBTQ+ individuals in Chicago, these inner critic voices carry an extra weight. They echo messages absorbed from a world that hasn’t always been accepting, from families who struggled with your identity, or from communities where you had to hide parts of yourself to stay safe.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy offers a different way to understand and work with these critical inner voices. Rather than trying to silence them or fight against them, IFS therapy helps you recognize these critics as protective parts of yourself—parts that developed for good reasons and are actually trying to help you, even when their methods feel painful.
At 2nd Story Counseling, we’ve spent over 20 years serving the LGBTQ+ community in Lakeview and Boystown. We’ve witnessed how IFS therapy can transform the relationship LGBTQ+ people have with their inner critics, creating space for self-compassion and authentic living.
What Are Inner Critics in IFS?
In Internal Family Systems therapy, we understand that our minds naturally consist of different “parts”—sub-personalities that carry different feelings, beliefs, and protective strategies. Inner critics are parts that took on a harsh, judgmental role, usually early in life, in an attempt to keep you safe.
For LGBTQ+ individuals, inner critics often develop in response to:
- Family rejection or conditional acceptance: Critics that echo a parent’s disappointment or a religious leader’s condemnation
- School bullying or social exclusion: Parts that learned to criticize you before others could
- Heteronormative cultural messages: Internalized voices saying you need to be “less gay,” more masculine/feminine, or hide your true self
- Discrimination experiences: Parts convinced that if you just change yourself enough, you’ll finally be accepted
These critics aren’t the enemy. In IFS, we recognize that these parts developed because, at some point, being self-critical felt safer than being surprised by external criticism or rejection. Your inner critic was trying to protect you—by keeping you small, hidden, or constantly self-monitoring—so that the outside world couldn’t hurt you as much.
The LGBTQ+ Experience: When Critics Carry Shame
Internalized homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia create particularly persistent inner critics. Growing up in environments where your identity was questioned, pathologized, or condemned creates parts that absorbed those messages. Even years after coming out, even after building affirming communities in neighborhoods like Boystown or Andersonville, these critical voices can persist.
Common inner critic messages for LGBTQ+ people include:
- “You’re too flamboyant/masculine/visible”
- “You’ll never have a ‘normal’ life”
- “Your family would be happier if you were different”
- “You’re making your identity your whole personality”
- “Other people in the community are more legitimate than you”
- “You’re not queer enough” or “You’re too queer”
These critics often work overtime, creating anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and a persistent sense of not belonging—even in LGBTQ+ spaces.
How IFS Therapy Works with Inner Critics
Internal Family Systems therapy takes a compassionate, non-pathologizing approach to working with critical parts. Rather than seeing these voices as problems to eliminate, IFS helps you:
1. Recognize Critics as Parts (Not Your True Self)
The first step is understanding that your inner critic is not the truth about who you are—it’s a part of you that’s stuck in an old protective role. When you can separate from the critic and observe it with curiosity rather than being overwhelmed by it, healing becomes possible.
In IFS, we call this process “unblending.” Instead of being consumed by critical thoughts, you learn to notice: “A part of me is feeling very critical right now.”
2. Get Curious About the Critic’s Positive Intent
This might sound counterintuitive, but your inner critic believes it’s helping you. In IFS therapy, we approach these parts with genuine curiosity: What is this critic trying to protect me from? What does it fear will happen if it stops criticizing me?
For LGBTQ+ clients, critics often fear:
- Rejection from family or community
- Physical harm or discrimination
- Being “too visible” and losing safety
- Abandonment if you’re authentically yourself
When you understand what your critic is afraid of, compassion becomes possible.
3. Connect with Younger, Wounded Parts (Exiles)
Inner critics usually work to protect more vulnerable parts of you—what IFS calls “exiles.” These are often younger versions of yourself who experienced rejection, bullying, or shame around your identity. Your critic developed to keep these wounded parts buried, believing that if you never feel that pain again, you’ll be safe.
The powerful work of IFS involves accessing these exiled parts with compassion, allowing them to share their stories, and helping them understand that you’re no longer in the dangerous situations they remember. You’re an adult now, living in Lakeview in 2024, with resources, community, and the capacity to protect yourself in healthier ways.
4. Help Critics Update Their Roles
Once your inner critic understands that you’re safe enough to be authentic, and once wounded parts have been heard and healed, critics can relax into less extreme roles. They might become discerning parts that help you make wise choices, rather than harsh voices that tear you down.
This doesn’t mean critics disappear—they transform. They become advisors rather than tyrants.
IFS Therapy in Chicago’s LGBTQ+ Community: Why It Works
Chicago’s North Side has been home to vibrant LGBTQ+ communities for decades. From the legacy of activism in Boystown to the diverse, affirming spaces throughout Lakeview, Lincoln Park, and Uptown, there’s a rich history of queer resilience here.
Yet even in affirming spaces, many LGBTQ+ people struggle with inner critics developed in less accepting environments. Maybe you grew up in a conservative suburb, a small town downstate, or even in Chicago neighborhoods where being out felt dangerous. Those experiences created protective parts that may no longer serve you—but they don’t know that yet.
IFS therapy honors your whole story. It acknowledges:
- The real danger you may have faced: Your critics weren’t overreacting; they developed in response to genuine threats
- The complexity of family relationships: Many LGBTQ+ people maintain relationships with families who are “trying” but still hurtful
- Intersectional identities: How being LGBTQ+ intersects with race, religion, disability, or other marginalized identities creates unique layers of internalized messages
- The ongoing nature of coming out: New situations (new jobs, new neighborhoods, new relationships) can reactivate critical parts
What IFS Therapy Looks Like at 2nd Story Counseling
When you begin IFS therapy at our Lakeview practice, you won’t be forced to confront painful memories before you’re ready. IFS is a gentle, client-paced approach that prioritizes safety and trust.
Your therapist will help you:
- Identify your parts: Notice which critical voices show up, what they say, and when they’re most active
- Access Self-energy: IFS believes everyone has a core Self—calm, compassionate, curious—that can lead healing. We help you connect with this resource
- Build relationships with your parts: Rather than fighting critics, you’ll learn to have conversations with them, understand their fears, and gradually earn their trust
- Unburden exiled parts: Release the shame, fear, and pain these young parts have been carrying, often for decades
- Integrate healing: As parts heal and transform, you’ll experience more self-compassion, confidence, and freedom to live authentically
Many LGBTQ+ clients find that IFS integrates beautifully with other therapeutic approaches. At 2nd Story, we often combine IFS with EMDR therapy for trauma processing, or with CBT techniques for managing anxiety and depression that arise from years of self-criticism.
Common Questions About IFS Therapy for LGBTQ+ People
Does my therapist need to be LGBTQ+ to do IFS therapy with me?
While some clients prefer working with LGBTQ+ therapists, what matters most is that your therapist is affirming, knowledgeable about LGBTQ+ experiences, and skilled in IFS. At 2nd Story, all our therapists provide LGBTQ+ affirming care and many have specialized training in working with queer and trans communities.
How long does IFS therapy take?
There’s no set timeline. Some clients experience significant shifts in their relationship with critical parts within a few months, while deeper work with exiled parts may take longer. IFS is not about rushing—it’s about creating lasting change at a pace that feels right for you.
What if I’m not good at visualizing or “talking to parts”?
IFS is flexible. Some people naturally visualize their parts; others simply sense them or hear their messages. Your therapist will adapt the approach to work with your natural style. There’s no “right way” to do IFS.
Can IFS help with other issues besides inner critics?
Absolutely. While this post focuses on critical parts, IFS is effective for anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, addiction, and many other concerns that LGBTQ+ individuals face. The parts-based framework applies to virtually any psychological challenge.
Is IFS therapy covered by insurance?
At 2nd Story Counseling, we accept many major insurance plans. IFS is typically billed as individual psychotherapy, so if your plan covers therapy sessions, it will cover IFS. We recommend checking with your insurance provider about your specific coverage.
Beginning Your IFS Journey in Chicago
If you’re tired of battling inner critics that keep you from living fully and authentically, IFS therapy offers a path forward. Rather than fighting parts of yourself, you can learn to understand them, appreciate their protective intentions, and help them transform into supportive allies.
At 2nd Story Counseling, we’ve been part of Chicago’s LGBTQ+ community for over two decades. We understand the particular ways that critical voices develop in response to homophobia, transphobia, and discrimination—and we know how to help these parts heal.
Your inner critics developed to protect you in a world that wasn’t always safe. They deserve compassion, not condemnation. And you deserve to live with self-acceptance rather than constant self-judgment.
Contact us today to learn more about how IFS therapy can help you develop a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself. Our Lakeview office is easily accessible from throughout Chicago’s North Side, and we also offer telehealth appointments for Illinois residents.
You don’t have to keep fighting yourself. There’s another way forward—and IFS therapy can help you find it.
