Originally published March 2022 | Updated December 2024

Gay Man Trying To Find Meaning?

Have you ever felt like your life had little meaning? You weren’t feeling suicidal, but just didn’t feel satisfied and wondered what your purpose was in this world? It’s not uncommon for people with depression, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder to question their life’s purpose. But the question extends beyond people with mental illness.

Gay men are particularly prone to feelings of meaninglessness and purposelessness.

It’s well documented that members of the LGBT and queer community have higher rates of hopelessness and despair, are more likely to be victims of bullying and abuse, have higher rates of substance abuse and addiction, suicidality, body dissatisfaction, and eating disorders. These health disparities for LGBT people are believed to be caused by minority stress – the chronic stress experienced by stigmatized minority groups.

The State of LGBTQ+ Rights in 2026

Since we first published this article in 2022, the political and social landscape for LGBTQ+ individuals has continued to evolve in complex ways. While we’ve seen progress in some areas – including expanded workplace protections and increased visibility – we’ve also witnessed a surge in anti-LGBTQ+ legislation across multiple states.

Recent years have brought over 500 bills targeting LGBTQ+ rights, particularly affecting transgender youth and drag performances. For gay men, this political climate can compound feelings of meaninglessness and instability, even when not directly targeted by specific legislation. The constant barrage of negative news about LGBTQ+ rights creates a background hum of anxiety that affects mental health in subtle but significant ways.

These pressures hit close to home in Chicago’s Lakeview, Uptown, and Boystown neighborhoods. As a psychologist for gay men, the most common complaint I hear is a lack of purpose and meaning in the lives of gay men. These feelings are usually not associated with suicide and often not associated with mood disorders – they’re more existential in nature.

2026 Update: New Sources of Meaninglessness

Beyond the political landscape, gay men in 2026 face some unique modern challenges to finding meaning:

Social Media Evolution: The rise of highly curated content on TikTok, Instagram Reels, and other platforms has intensified comparison culture. Gay men are bombarded with images of “perfect” bodies, exotic travels, and seemingly effortless success. The algorithm knows exactly what will trigger your insecurities.

Dating App Burnout: Years of swiping through Grindr, Tinder, and Hinge can leave many gay men feeling like relationships are transactional and shallow. The paradox of choice leads to decision paralysis and a sense that meaningful connection is impossible.

Post-Pandemic Isolation: Even as we’ve returned to “normal,” many gay men never fully reconnected with their communities. The isolation of 2020-2021 created patterns of solitary behavior that are hard to break, leaving many feeling disconnected from the vibrant LGBTQ+ community that once provided meaning.

Aging in Gay Culture: For gay men over 30, the youth-obsessed nature of gay culture can create a sense that your best years are behind you. This is compounded by the fact that many gay men, who came out later in life or spent their twenties navigating coming out, feel they “missed” formative experiences.

So What Can Gay Men Do to Feel Less Meaninglessness?

Despite minority stressors, pressures from “gay culture,” and worldwide events that catalyze existential questioning, there are concrete steps gay men can take to cultivate meaning and purpose.

1. Consider Your Actions and Why You Are Doing Them

In his seminal work, The Velvet Rage, Alan Downs postulates that gay men, socialized with the need to protect themselves, learn to defend themselves with wealth, education, exotic travel, and luxury. Sadly, this pursuit of “the good life” often results in superficial success. They look like they have everything they want on the outside but feel empty on the inside.

Instead of focusing on building “the good life,” focus on building “a good life.” Root your actions and decisions in your values.

The unattributed quote, “Activity without purpose is meaningless” captures the sentiment well. Repeatedly ask yourself, “What’s the value of this?” Get rid of the habits that you have that don’t have meaning (or indirectly contribute to making meaning elsewhere).

2026 Application: This is especially relevant for social media consumption. Ask yourself: “Does spending 90 minutes scrolling through Instagram Reels align with my values?” If the answer is no, that’s time you could redirect toward activities that actually matter to you.

2. Clarify Your Values

It’s easy to be swept up in the pressures and expectations of others, especially for gay men. We’ve previously considered the impacts of social media on mental health, but should extend this discussion to consider the impact of social media on awareness of one’s own desires, values, and wishes.

Inundated with images and messages of others’ activities, we sometimes assume that our values and pursuits should be the same as other gay men. Notably, this pattern can actually confuse your own awareness of your personal values.

The good news is that it’s never too late to explore (or re-explore) your own values and interests. You can consider a value sort exercise, like this one from Therapist Aid. Alternatively, consider writing the speech that you would like someone to give about you at your hundredth birthday. Or, think about the three people you most admire. Now consider what you admire about them. These qualities are probably your own values or indicators of your values.

For some LGBT people who feel lost and purposeless, these exercises can bring about tremendous anxiety. Notice if you are becoming flooded with emotion. Take breaks, cope with mindfulness, engage in soothing exercises, consider engaging in a playful exercise with friends or family.

3. Stop Focusing on You; Start Focusing on Serving Others

Importantly, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take time for yourself, that you shouldn’t go to the gym, that you shouldn’t care for yourself. Self-care activities are critical, in part, because they deepen your capacity to engage in ways that are meaningful to others.

Gay men are socialized to heavily attend to themselves; in fact, minority stress requires a higher level of observation of oneself to ensure security and belonging. Unfortunately, this focus on self can often lead to purposelessness.

Ask yourself, “What do I care about that I can contribute?” This focus on others is likely to cultivate feelings of meaning and purpose.

2026 Ideas:

Volunteer with LGBTQ+ youth organizations (Center on Halsted, The Night Ministry)
Mentor younger gay men navigating coming out
Participate in community mutual aid efforts
Join LGBTQ+ advocacy groups
Support local queer-owned businesses and artists

4. Recognize the Impact of Comparisons on Your Self-Esteem and Relationships

Just because someone else is attractive, doesn’t mean you’re not. Just because someone else makes a lot of money, doesn’t mean that you aren’t well compensated. Just because someone else is smart, doesn’t mean that you don’t have something to offer.

Catch yourself in the comparison trap. Recognize when you’re making comparisons, and instead, identify the good qualities of others without reflecting back on yourself. Compare you to you. Where are you now compared to where you have been? Compare your actions to your values.

The mere idea that only one person at a time can matter is the antithesis of confidence and undermines meaning.

2026 Reality Check: Remember that social media shows highlight reels, not reality. The influencer with the perfect body and expensive trips may be dealing with depression, financial stress, or their own feelings of meaninglessness. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s curated performance.

5. Set an Example with Your Integrity

Gay men in therapy often report being alarmed by the ways that others see them. Seeing ourselves from another’s point of view can be eye-opening. Do your friends call you catty? Are you known as the gossip with all the “T”? Consider what these impressions say about you.

Values and ethics aren’t situational. If you wanted to fully display your best self (Think: “Be the person your dog thinks you are.”), what would need to change? The answer to this question will help you identify what is actually meaningful to you.

When Meaninglessness Becomes Depression

Sometimes, feelings of meaninglessness cross the line from existential questioning into clinical depression. If you’re experiencing:

Persistent feelings of emptiness that don’t improve
Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
Difficulty functioning at work or in relationships
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

…it’s time to seek professional help. These symptoms indicate that meaninglessness has evolved into something more serious that requires clinical intervention.

Therapy for Gay Men: Finding Your Path Forward

Therapy designed for gay men can necessary to address feelings of purposelessness and meaning but can also be important to prevent these concerns from occurring or having power in one’s life.

Working with a therapist who understands the unique experiences of gay men – from minority stress to the specific pressures of gay culture – can help you:

Identify your authentic values (not what gay culture says you should value)
Process internalized homophobia that may be blocking meaning
Navigate coming out later in life or in stages
Build genuine connections beyond hookup apps
Find your place in the LGBTQ+ community
Develop resilience against minority stress

LGBTQ+ affirming therapy and counseling in Chicago provides a space where you don’t have to explain or justify your experiences – your therapist already gets it.

2nd Story Counseling: We Understand

At 2nd Story Counseling, several of our therapists openly identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. We’ve been serving Chicago’s LGBTQ+ community for over 20 years, with offices conveniently located in Lakeview, just steps from Boystown.

We understand that finding meaning as a gay man in 2026 is complex. We’re here to help you build a life that feels authentic and purposeful – not based on what Instagram says you should want, but based on what actually matters to you.

If you continue to struggle with feelings of meaninglessness or purposelessness, reach out to us. You don’t have to figure this out alone.