By: Alexandra DeWoskin, LCSW
I’ve tackled how to start the New Year in a couple of blogs throughout the years. In 2019, I reframed New Year’s Resolutions to New Year’s Goals. And in 2023, I wrote about New Year’s To-Don’t Lists. We place so much emphasis on one day, January 1, as the day for reinvention of self. But the weight of that responsibility often leads to failure even with the best intentions. Research has shown that by February, 80% of New Year’s resolutions have been abandoned.
You don’t need a specific day to decide to start a renewal. This can be done at any time, with one step at a time, yet this tradition of “new year, new you” prevails.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail
The stress of assigning so much change to one specific day can be overwhelming, unrealistic, often paralyzing. Often resolutions are broad, unrealistic, or focus on perfection rather than consistent growth. We have a lot of stressors and responsibilities already in our lives. January 1 doesn’t change that. So, to pile onto what already exists just weighs us down. When things are too big, we procrastinate or freeze.
The day we assign, January 1, follows a frenzied month of high levels of activity, overindulgence, overstimulation, and heightened emotions. In actuality, January seems like the perfect time to slow down, reflect, re-energize, and rest. But, instead, we feel the pressure to add lofty and often unrealistic resolves. The combination of timing and overwhelming self-expectations is a recipe for failure. And, if we don’t live up to self-imposed expectations, we feel defeated and disappointed. This, in turn, can lead us to self-cope by turning to the things we resolved to change to self-soothe.
Introducing the “Add One Thing” Approach
So, this year, I’m trying another angle: the “add one thing approach.” Perhaps a mash-up of all the strategies is the trick. But what is certain, setting yourself up for success versus overwhelming yourself with unrealistic expectations gives you a leg up. I tell clients all the time to break up tasks, projects, and the day into manageable, actionable chunks that are accomplishable. Perhaps that strategy can work for the New Year.
In my past blog about setting goals, I focused on setting reasonable and strongly worded targets that a person wants to reach, be them new or building upon something already in place. The point is that they were framed as specific goals and not resolutions. In my blog about to-don’ts, I spoke to making decisions to better one’s life by focusing on removing what is NOT working for them—those things, people, and behaviors that are not making them happy. While all these approaches are doable, maybe trying to do them all at once is what’s not working.
How the Add One Thing Approach Works
Today, I focus on one small thing at a time, on any day, not just a special day. This allows us to have small successes that give just as much of a dopamine boost as larger successes as well as a self-esteem boost and motivation and momentum to move onto the next small win.
I keep a running list of “to-dos.” I’m not speaking to my errands list but things that I feel will continue to help me evolve as a person in the short and/or long-term. Maybe it’s to try a new type of recipe that incorporates healthy ingredients. Maybe it’s taking at least a 15-minute walk two days a week (specify the days) or reading a book once a month. Maybe it’s to do research into a new activity of interest. Then waiting until another doable day to add the activity. Some of these things stick and others are more one-offs. And that’s okay.
Adding One Thing Can Be a Daily Practice
The add one thing approach can also be a new thought, attitude, or behavior to apply every day (super helpful with depression). This year, I chose to add trying to smile at people more. The world can use a little more positivity and connection with others. While it’s only been a few days, it’s been kind of fun, and the reciprocity feels good. All it takes is a smile.
On some days, I make one decision impulsively like choosing to take the stairs versus the elevator. I keep a running list of small, low-ticket items to add here and there and in no particular order. In fact, usually on January 1, what I add that day is to relax and give myself a break.
Breaking Down Big Goals Into Small Steps
What if your resolution is to “get healthy”? That is a big and broad yet popular resolution. And one destined to fail if not more specifically defined and broken into smaller achievable pieces. It’s so broad; you could probably break it into 365 small chunks and add one small new thing to every day of the year.
If you’re speaking to working out, maybe it starts with adding 5 sit-ups a week, on a Thursday. If it’s about eating healthy, add a vegetable to one meal a day or use wheat bread versus white bread. One small win is better than no win at all. And, on some days, add nothing. Give grace that sometimes you won’t have the time or energy to get to that one item you planned to add that day. That’s fine; you’ll do it another day when you feel up to it.
The personal impact is very low when you don’t follow through, when you have realistic expectations. It’s far easier to rebound and get back on track when you don’t put all your eggs in one big overwhelming basket. You can also pivot to a smaller goal. Any victory, even small, creates energy, drive and motivation.
The Yoga Practice Mindset
I’m a yoga person. They call it yoga practice because there’s always more to learn and attain whether you have been practicing for one year or 35 years. There’s no endgame. Every milestone is celebrated, and there is no more important milestone than another. It’s a continuous, lifelong journey of skill-building, self-discovery, and integrating mind, body, and spirit. Looking at setting goals or resolving to grow through this yogic lens is helpful because it gives no timeline or assessment of success. It’s your own pace and space. I use this premise as my approach to the New Year.
How to Get Started With the Add One Thing Approach
So, how do we start? Yes, consider the broader categories of your life such as relationships; physical, mental, spiritual and financial health; habits/lifestyle; education and career. Then, thoughtfully identify specific small goals within a category of interest that you can actually achieve. Ask yourself why it’s important and don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Consider only focusing on one item at a time with healthy acknowledgement and breaks.
Just like yoga, there is no endgame to evolving as a person. It doesn’t matter if you race or casually flow to finish or if you accomplish big versus small goals. There’s no rule book regarding how or when to evolve. Small, thoughtful changes matter and count. So, treat yourself kindly and add just one thing until it’s time to add another.
If you’re struggling to make lasting changes or feel overwhelmed by expectations, therapy can help. Our therapists in Chicago can support you in creating realistic, achievable goals that work for your life. Contact us at 773-528-1777 to get started.
