How Do I Write a Sympathy Message?
By: 2SC Staff
Do you need to write a sympathy message in a card? Many people search the Internet for insight on this topic. Let’s face it – loss is a complicated topic. What do say when someone has died for example? What about when someone close has been diagnosed with a serious illness? Is it appropriate to mention the name of a person who has died?
We will explore the answers to these questions and more. What is important that we communicate to you is this – your choice to offer a hand written note in your sympathy message communicates that you truly care about the person you are writing. And while there certainly is a card for everything now-a-days, recording something in your own words is still considered proper etiquette.
Sympathy Messages Are Personalized
People write personalized sympathy messages in cards for a number of reasons. Examples include the death of a loved one to the loss of a job. Sympathy cards can also be sent for less traditional reasons, such as a breakup or a divorce. If a person has recently been diagnosed with a serious illness, words of sorrow are also appropriate. It really just depends on the situation and of course, the person you are writing.
If your card is authentic in nature and comes from the heart, there’s a good chance that your words will also encourage some amount of healing. Isn’t that one of the reasons you want to send something in the first place?
Sympathy message factoid: Current estimates suggest that approximately 125 million people send sympathy messages each year with women representing the majority. This type of correspondence is one of the few remaining customs where it is expected that a person jot something down in a personalized way.
Sympathy Message Basics
Bill Ferrand, a licensed psychotherapist, offers the following as a basic definition of a sympathy card message:
“Sympathy messages can be a meaningful way to communicate comfort, care and support to someone who is experiencing loss, pain or misfortune.”
Ferrand goes on to add:
“What a person writes in a sympathy message will be remembered long after the intensity of the loss passes. This is why what a person writes in a sympathy message is so important.”
Sympathy Message: 3 Things
More than anything else, it is important that your sympathy message be real. This means that whatever words you record on paper will genuinely come from your heart. There are three things to consider before you begin writing your note. Let’s walk through each of these one by one so that you understand why they are being mentioned.
- The relationship you have with the person
- The nature of the loss
- Shared experience
1. Nature of relationship
Your relationship with the person who has experienced a loss will in large part drive the content you will include in your sympathy message. As a general rule, the closer you are to a person who is grieving, the more personalized your note should be.
For example, if your sister-in-law experienced the death of a parent, your note will likely be highly personal. If, however, it is your boss just lost a family member, your note may be strike a more professional tone. Carefully consider the relationship you share with the person before you jot down a sympathy message.
2. Nature of loss
Obviously, the nature of the loss will also have a lot to do with what you will be writing. For example, if you are sending a sympathy message because someone you know experienced a break-up, the words you write should communicate loving support.
On the flipside, if the reason for your correspondence has something to do with a death, you will want to speak directly to what happened. In other words, it is OK to use the deceased person’s name when make your comments.
Example: I am sorry to hear that your uncle Tim passed or I just caught word that your sister Emily passed. Using the deceased person’s name can make a “general” sympathy message instantly meaningful because you took the time to memorialize them.
3. Shared experience
The third and final piece that you will want to consider is your own relationship to the loss. For example, if you are friends with someone whose spouse just died and you were also close to the deceased, mention this in your note. Example: I am so sorry to hear of Janet’s passing. As you know, we were coworkers for a number of years at ACME Financial.
Shared experiences can also come in the form of experiential loss. This simply means that you have personal experience with the loss that you are offering sympathies for. An example might be a job loss. Here is something you might write: Donovan, I know how difficult it is to lose a job. I was laid off from my employer several years ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Know that I am here to talk if you ever want to vent.
Not sure what to say?
Sometimes, a loss can be so intense that it may be difficult to know what to say. This is particularly true if the situation is complex or if you are unsure about what role you can play in the grieving process. Many people who want to offer support to someone after a suicide has occurred. This, however, can no doubt be challenging.
As a general rule, simply sending a sympathy card that communicates your desire to offer support is always ok. Example: I am sorry to hear of Kevin’s passing. I am here for you and will be calling in the next several days to check in.
An excellent book to consider in situations where it is hard to know what to say is: Healing Conversations. Inside, you will find page after page of meaningful insight that is designed to gently stir the ambers of compassion and love. The book is also good for generating ideas in face to face conversations with someone who is grieving.
Summing Things Up
Sending a sympathy note is probably one of the most meaningful things you will ever write to another person. Giving the appropriate amount of thought to what you want to share is extremely important. Above all else, make sure your words are genuine and come from a place of support.
Hopefully, the information shared in this post helped you with the writing process! Thanks for stopping by! If you found this post helpful, please Like on Facebook. Circle on Google+ and share with others.