Choosing a Gay Therapist
Finding the right therapist is challenging for anyone, but as a gay man, you need someone who truly understands your experience. You deserve a therapist who gets the nuances of gay culture, relationships, and the unique mental health challenges facing gay men—without you having to explain every detail.
If you’re searching for a gay therapist in Chicago, this guide will help you ask the right questions and find a therapist who’s not just tolerant, but genuinely affirming and experienced with gay men’s issues.
Why Finding the Right Gay Therapist Matters
Working with a therapist who understands gay male experiences isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s essential for effective therapy. When your therapist “gets it,” you can dive straight into the work instead of spending sessions explaining what Grindr is, why coming out at 35 is different than at 18, or how body image pressure in gay communities affects mental health.
The right gay therapist in Chicago will understand:
• Gay dating culture and hookup apps
• Coming out processes across different life stages
• Body image pressures specific to gay men
• Substance use patterns in gay communities
• HIV anxiety and sexual health concerns
• Navigating relationships and non-monogamy
• Internalized homophobia and minority stress
• Family rejection and chosen family dynamics
• Career challenges and workplace discrimination
At 2nd Story Counseling, our gay therapists in Chicago bring both professional expertise and understanding of gay male culture to every session. But whether you work with us or another practice, here’s what to look for.
10 Essential Questions to Ask a Gay Therapist
Before committing to therapy, ask these questions to ensure you’re finding the right fit:
1. Do You Identify as LGBTQ+ or Have Specialized Training?
Some gay men prefer working with gay male therapists who share lived experience. Others are comfortable with any therapist who has strong LGBTQ+ training and cultural competency. There’s no wrong answer—it’s about what makes you feel most comfortable.
Ask directly: “Do you identify as LGBTQ+?” and “What training have you received in working with gay and bisexual men?”
2. What Experience Do You Have with Gay Men’s Issues?
General LGBTQ+ experience doesn’t always translate to understanding specific gay male concerns. Ask about their experience with issues like:
• Coming out and identity development
• Gay relationship dynamics
• Body image and eating disorders in gay men
• Substance use in gay communities
• Sexual health and HIV concerns
• Navigating hookup culture
A qualified gay therapist should be able to discuss these topics comfortably and share examples of how they’ve helped clients with similar concerns.
3. Are You Affirming of Diverse Relationship Structures?
Gay relationships come in many forms—monogamous, open, polyamorous, and everything in between. Your therapist should be non-judgmental about your relationship structure and experienced in working with whatever configuration works for you.
Ask: “What’s your experience working with open relationships or non-monogamy?” Pay attention to whether they seem comfortable or show any judgment.
4. How Do You Address Substance Use in Gay Communities?
Substance use rates are higher among gay men, often tied to social scenes, minority stress, and coping mechanisms. A good gay therapist should:
• Understand party culture and chemsex without judgment
• Offer both harm reduction and abstinence-based approaches
• Recognize the intersection of mental health and substance use
• Know local LGBTQ+-specific recovery resources
Ask: “What’s your approach to substance use?” and “Are you familiar with harm reduction?”
5. What’s Your Approach to Body Image Concerns?
Body image issues, muscle dysmorphia, and eating disorders are prevalent among gay men due to intense appearance pressures in gay communities. Your therapist should understand how gay culture impacts body image differently than in straight populations.
Ask: “Have you worked with gay men struggling with body image or eating disorders?”
6. Do You Understand Hookup Culture and Dating Apps?
Dating and sex as a gay man often involve apps like Grindr, Scruff, or Tinder. You shouldn’t have to explain what these are or how they work. Your therapist should understand both the benefits and challenges of app-based dating.
A simple test: Mention Grindr or hookup culture and see if they react with understanding or confusion.
7. How Do You Handle Coming Out Concerns?
Coming out isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing process across different contexts (work, family, new social situations). Ask how they support clients through:
• Initial coming out to self and others
• Coming out later in life
• Workplace disclosure decisions
• Managing family rejection
• Dealing with religious or cultural conflicts
A skilled gay therapist will have experience navigating coming out at various life stages and contexts.
8. What’s Your Experience with HIV and Sexual Health Issues?
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Sexual health conversations should be normalized, not awkward. Your therapist should be comfortable discussing:
• HIV status disclosure
• PrEP and HIV prevention
• Living with HIV
• STI anxiety
• Sexual dysfunction
• AIDS-related trauma (especially for older gay men)
Ask: “Are you comfortable discussing sexual health and HIV concerns?”
9. Are You Sex-Positive and Affirming?
Gay male sexuality is diverse, and your therapist should be sex-positive and affirming of healthy sexual expression. Whether you’re dealing with sexual anxiety, exploring kink, or navigating low desire, your therapist should approach these topics without shame or judgment.
Red flag: Any therapist who seems uncomfortable discussing sex or implies your sexual choices are inherently problematic.
10. What Are Your Fees and Do You Take Insurance?
Practical matters are important. Ask about:
• Session fees and payment options
• Insurance acceptance and reimbursement
• Sliding scale availability
• Cancellation policies
• Session frequency recommendations
At 2nd Story Counseling in Chicago, we accept Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO insurance and offer sliding scale fees to make gay-affirming therapy accessible.
Red Flags to Avoid When Choosing a Gay Therapist
Trust your instincts. If you notice these red flags, keep looking:
• Any mention of “changing” or “reducing” same-sex attraction
• Discomfort discussing gay sex or relationships openly
• Lack of understanding about gay culture or terminology
• Judgment about your lifestyle, relationship structure, or choices
• Inability to separate their religious beliefs from clinical practice
• Focus on your sexuality as the “root cause” of all problems
• Referring to being gay as a “lifestyle choice”
• Making you feel like you need to educate them
You deserve a therapist who celebrates who you are, not one who tolerates it.
What to Expect in Your First Session with a Gay Therapist
The first session (often called an “intake”) is where you and your therapist assess fit. During this session, expect:
• Discussion of your current concerns and goals
• Questions about your background and history
• Explanation of their therapeutic approach
• Review of confidentiality and policies
• Opportunity to ask questions
Remember: The first session is also your chance to evaluate the therapist. You should feel heard, respected, and comfortable. If something feels off, it’s okay to try a different therapist.
Finding Gay Therapists in Chicago
Chicago is fortunate to have numerous LGBTQ+-affirming therapy practices, particularly in neighborhoods like Lakeview, Boystown, and Andersonville. Here’s how to find qualified gay therapists:
Start with LGBTQ+ Specialized Practices
Practices that specifically advertise LGBTQ+ expertise are more likely to have therapists who truly understand gay male experiences. 2nd Story Counseling has served Chicago’s LGBTQ+ community for over 20 years, with several therapists who identify as gay men themselves.
Learn more about our gay men’s therapy services in Chicago →LGBTQ Queer Affirming Therapy in Chicago, IL
Use LGBTQ+ Directories
These directories can help you find affirming therapists:
• Psychology Today (filter for LGBTQ+ specialization)
• GLMA: Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ Equality
• National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network
• Local LGBTQ+ centers like Center on Halsted
Ask for Referrals
If you have gay friends in therapy, ask who they see. Personal recommendations from trusted friends who share your identity can be invaluable.
Consider Telehealth Options
Many Chicago therapists offer secure video sessions, expanding your options beyond your immediate neighborhood. This can be especially helpful if you’re not out locally or prefer more privacy.
Questions About Therapy Approaches
Different therapists use different therapeutic approaches. While the therapeutic relationship matters more than the specific modality, here are common approaches effective for gay men’s issues:
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety, depression, and negative thought patterns
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for emotion regulation
• Trauma-Focused Therapy (EMDR, CPT) for processing discrimination trauma
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for building valued living
• Psychodynamic Therapy for exploring patterns and deeper understanding
Ask potential therapists: “What therapeutic approach do you use, and how does it help with [your specific concern]?”
Making the Decision
After asking these questions and meeting with potential therapists, trust your gut. The “right” therapist is someone who:
• Makes you feel safe and understood
• Has relevant experience with gay men’s issues
• Uses an approach that resonates with you
• Fits your practical needs (location, cost, availability)
• You can imagine opening up to over time
If you don’t feel the connection after 2-3 sessions, it’s okay to try someone else. Finding the right fit sometimes takes a few tries.
Start Your Journey with a Gay Therapist in Chicago
Choosing a gay therapist is an important decision that deserves careful consideration. Whether you’re working through coming out, navigating relationships, addressing mental health concerns, or simply seeking support from someone who gets your experience, the right therapist can be transformational.
At 2nd Story Counseling, our gay therapists in Chicago bring expertise, cultural competency, and genuine understanding to every session. Several of our therapists identify as gay men themselves, and all are committed to affirming, judgment-free care.
Start Working With a Gay Therapist Today
Ready to start therapy with a gay-affirming therapist in Chicago?
Contact 2nd Story Counseling today:
📞 773-528-1777
📍 Lakeview/Boystown location
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need a therapist who is gay?
Not necessarily. Some gay men prefer therapists who share their identity and lived experience, while others are comfortable with any therapist who has strong LGBTQ+ training and cultural competency. What matters most is that you feel understood, respected, and comfortable. The best therapist for you is one who gets your experience—whether through personal identity or professional expertise.
Will my therapy be confidential if I’m not out?
Yes! Therapy is confidential regardless of your out status. Your therapist legally cannot disclose your sexuality to anyone—not to insurance companies (if you use insurance under a family plan), employers, family members, or anyone else. There are only rare exceptions for imminent safety concerns. You control your story and your disclosure.
How long does therapy take?
It varies based on your goals. Some gay men come to therapy for specific issues (like processing a breakup or coming out to family) and may see results in 3-6 months. Others use therapy for ongoing support, personal growth, or managing chronic mental health concerns and continue longer-term. Your therapist should discuss goals and expected timeline with you.
What if I don’t like my therapist?
It’s completely okay to switch therapists if it’s not a good fit. Most therapists won’t be offended—they understand that therapeutic fit is crucial. Give it 2-3 sessions to see if the relationship develops, but if something feels consistently off, look for someone else. You can simply say, “I don’t think this is the right fit for me” and ask for referrals to other providers.
How much does therapy cost in Chicago?
Therapy costs in Chicago typically range from $100-$250 per session. Some practices accept insurance (which significantly reduces out-of-pocket costs), while others are private pay only. Many practices offer sliding scale fees based on income. At 2nd Story Counseling, we accept Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO insurance and offer sliding scale options.
Can I do therapy online?
Yes! Many Chicago therapists offer secure video therapy (telehealth), which can be convenient and provide more privacy. This is especially helpful if you’re not out locally, have transportation challenges, or simply prefer the convenience of therapy from home. Online therapy is just as effective as in-person for most concerns.
Wrap Up
Finding the right gay therapist in Chicago takes time and intention, but it’s worth the effort. Ask these questions, trust your instincts, and remember that you deserve a therapist who sees, celebrates, and supports all of who you are. Your mental health and wellbeing matter—and the right therapist will help you thrive, not just survive.
